I asked my friend if there was anything he wanted me to talk about on the podcast. He replied "Yeah, talk about how to make friends when you're introverted." Whether or not that was a slight to me doesn't matter.
If it was a slight to me, it's true.
Contrary to popular belief I'm not introverted at all. Some people misclassify my energy management skills for introversion.
There are some people that spend a lot of time being the center of attention to everyone, even if those people don't matter. As you know from my other podcasts and content I am the polar opposite and only spend my attention on people and situations that produce me an outcome.
I'm always asked to come do shit or meet up with such and such person to talk about "whatever". None of these situations serve me a benefit and I've been altruistic enough in my life to not owe people my time.
That being said, here are the reason "I have no friends":
- I don't hang around people who can't contribute - While I might go to the bar and get hammered around a bunch of strangers for my own entertainment, I am doing that on my own time. I am not obligated to stay or obligated to be socially acceptable in that environment. Nobody knows me and I don't know them therefore it reduces the stress and doesn't force and interaction.
- Most people I encounter are not on the same level - Contrary to popular belief, not all people are created equal. While A high value male may treat the hired help with respect, that does not necessarily mean he will hang out with them if they are not on the same level. As I mentioned, there are people with less money and resources that can be at higher consciousness levels (I mention about the pauper who hangs out with the rich guy, it's because they are on the same consciousness level). Financial resources has nothing to do with consciousness level. I know gals that drive around in Mercedes and make six figures that have stupid pictures of them in the Maldives or wearing a captain’s hat on a boat in Croatia. All that shit shows these people are lesser evolved and lack unique skills; therefore I do not pay attention to them or give them my attention.
- Every hour you give to someone else takes away from thousands - An artist is put on this earth to create. When we create we benefit thousands with our art and the influence of that art. So if someone wants you to listen to their demo tape but does not read all of the articles on your website that you have about being a successful artist then they are attempting to unconsciously or consciously take your time and make it their own.
- Nobody helped me, so I don't help other people - If you haven't learned that the world is a place that does business then you will eventually. While people are generally good, they are only good to the extent that it doesn't threaten their survival. I have seen good people do bad things because they are weak and don't want to work to stick it out. The entire drug trade is a result of this. Poor kids and Mexico do have a choice whether or not to choose the cartel lifestyle. They know between right and wrong. Your circumstance is never an excuse for what you choose to be. For every Michael Jordan there are 10 people complaining about how life is so hard. The crazy thing is that it takes more energy to complain than to just accomplish the task you are complaining about. Going back to the point, I can count on one hand the people that have to thank for going out of their way to help me. They are A. A mortgage broker I had B. One of my first customers C. One maybe two family members. Out of those situations maybe only one of them provided a truly altruistic assistance and that's because they were family. Everyone else stood to benefit.
- All the knowledge is already out there - This probably doesn't speak to me not having friends as much as why I don't help people. If you're not reading books on how to get better in you’re given field on a regular basis, you're just not going to survive. Knowledge helps you make mental connections and these mental connections help you become self-sufficient. You can ask, you can attend functions and speeches and you can inquire about the knowledge you are seeking. It's all there for the taking. People would rather make friends and try to get themselves a shortcut to that given success. While that may work, it is unsustainable because it makes you dependent on building friendships and relationships with people that could constantly change. Case in point, if you are a buyer for a company, see how many Christmas cards you get from vendors when you no longer become a buyer. People want something out of you. My point is that if you develop unique skills and become a master worthy or praise, you have the power based on the knowledge you acquired and you therefore do not need to have a lot of friends to do what you want to do.
- I am misunderstood - I have a high power attorney friend that says, "Mike, I think you're misunderstood". Because I've been doing my own thing for so long and become so independent in my own regard that leads to a lot of misunderstanding from people. Not just closed minded people but open-minded people locked into social contracts that society has established for them. At the end of the day, I am a creator. Creators can be and do whatever they want as long as it's legal and doesn't hurt anyone else. As I mention in the 14 Things a Real Artist Does podcast, we are contradictory and live by the rules of another plane, one that can't always been seen. This means that if a "normal" person tries to apply their logic to us, it doesn't work. We will be misunderstood by them. Because they are trying to see with their eyes and not with their heart. There are endless examples of what I mean by this but it could be something as simple as the neighbor not talking to you because they think you're weird or people thinking you have ulterior motives when you don't. It could be as simple as me flying my drone in the park to capture footage for an actual artistic production. People in the park might say "here goes another person flying a drone creating landscape noise" when in reality I am a professional artist doing work that will ultimately become product and generate taxable income to pay to cut the grass in that dumb little park I'm filming. I'm not doing it for vanity or to be cool. I'm doing it because that's my job.
- I realized that betrayal is more common than you think - There is really no reason to defy me or hurt me in any way. I'm a laid back person that keeps to himself. I do this because I understand human nature and that people usually have reasons for hanging around you. It could be that they like you or that you make them feel good, but that doesn't have anything to do with them loving or caring about you. It has to do with how you make them feel. Once that feeling goes away or if you articulate that you need your space, you'd be surprised how quick people flip on you. I've had gals I was plutonic friends with, call me under the direction of their jealous boyfriend and say we can't be friends anymore. I respect their request (that is not want they wanted, but what their jealous significant other wanted) and not talked to them anymore. It's sad but that's the reality. People are constantly trying to control everyone else's reality because they can't control their own, which sometimes leads to betrayal or them trying to get you to do something you will not comply with, therefore they hurt you. Had I wanted to betray that gal I could have said that her boyfriend was setting her up by sending anonymous text messages to her phone with my name attached to it trying to frame her. Or I could have told him directly that yes we are friends but yes I did also have a foray with your woman but I didn't. That would have been a betrayal against her. Because I cared for that person I just let it go. But she didn't stick up for me. She could have called me on the sly and explained herself but she didn't. I understand but I'm just using that as a reference point.
- It's hard for me to empathize with people who have not experienced real challenges - Go to any bar in America and you will hear someone talk about some situation that exposes just how stupid and privileged they actually are. Conversations about music always result in people propping up fake artists and slighting real ones, people talk about why healthcare should be free 6 drinks in smoking a cigarette. People talking about illegal immigration that have never left a 1st world country to see how the rest of the world lives. Most of the people in the city of Dallas, Texas where I live have not experienced real challenges. Even a lot of people is lesser to do neighborhoods still don't realize how lucky they are to have to arms and two legs that work and don't have to escape genocide everyday. I know when I see somebody who has really had to encounter a real life challenge, like someone from the Congo. People who have experienced real challenges always get my empathy. The thing is that they don't even need it. They will only tell you their story as a way for you to build a narrative in your mind of who they are, not because they are looking for sympathy or credit for their hardship.
- The more relationships you have the less you can give to the real ones - I always talk about my ideal business being me, maybe a manager or assistant and my accountant or bookkeeper. I don't want a bunch of people in my life. I don't want a huge organization to manage. I don't want to deal with any of the issues that a heavy organization brings. I also want to eventually be able to focus more attention on my personal life and what's going on there. If you feel like you have to "network" and be the guy liked by everyone you're not going to be good at anything but kissing ass.
- Building relationships has nothing to do with mastery - All these people that say they need to go to a networking event either have no unique skills or have not mastered them enough to capture people's attention. Networking events are where you try to spend the time you should be spending working on your craft kissing ass so that you can build a relationship with someone who will help you bypass the line. If you were a boxer, no amount of networking is going to help you knockout Mike Tyson. That's what being a master is. You are the best at being you and because there is only one you, you don't have to be liked to accepted by everyone.
- It has served me well so far, therefore I am replicated my success - I can't say that if I had a big group of loving friends that it would have made my life any better or worse. I probably could have created a lot more positive music because then I would feel accountable to the people in my life for what I created. That statement in itself proves the danger in being accepted. It says that if you believe something different in your heart than your friend, that you should not express it in fear of hurting their feelings. But that is the reality of being an artist. When you spend a lot of time by yourself, you are forced to go inward and realize that other people are not going to fulfill you. You have to fulfill yourself and spilling over with so much energy that you can give that energy to others if you choose to do so. Because I have lived by this philosophy out of the necessity of survival, I have been able to survive. At the end of the day, I am responsible for paying my bills and meeting my obligations. My friends understand that I am the only one that can do this for myself and they respect whatever decision I make or action I take in my life. Those are my true friends and people that matter.
- I am a high value person - Being a master worthy of praise, I don't have a lot of time or attention to give, so if we're not friends, don't take it personal. There are lots of people that want to talk to me, hang out with me, tell me their problems, and connect but none of these potential "friends" are bringing me any value to the interaction. You telling me I'm great or that my music is great or that my performance is great is great but that don't serve me any value. If I'm great, subscribe to my shit and tell you friends, if my music is great, pay for the downloads and exclusive content and if the performance is great, buy a ticket. My only loyalty is to my art. Period. I don't even necessarily have a loyalty to my audience. I have said in past podcasts that the only people that matter are your audience, and that's true. BUT, if you put something out that was a true expression of your soul and they do not like it, then you do not have to be loyal to their desires for you.
In closing, I know a person that has no friends or is an introvert that has invented several major things we use on a daily basis. He also founded a major corporation that had 80,000 employees that he cashed out of for over $50 million dollars in the early 90s.
This guy basically has a wife and a few friends and I don't think he even actively used a cell phone until recently, because if you ever wanted to get a hold of him you would have to call his land line.
While that may not be entirely the truth from his perspective, from my perspective, he is what society would define as an introvert. His introversion probably contributed to his success because of the reasons I listed above.
That being said, having no friends is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it might be a good one.