The hardest part of my life is not working, reading, writing, performing or any shit that you would think it is. The hardest part of my life is all of the intangible bullshit, much of which straddles both the physical and metaphysical. Some that have been so hard that sometimes I don't even feel like being here anymore.
I know some of my decisions have hurt others, but I had to make them in order to survive or to fulfill my life's mission. These decisions I have outlined below.
- Letting go of good friends who have betrayed me - I have numerous stories about this but one comes to the forefront of my mind at this moment. Basically it was somebody that I loved and trusted that betrayed me and then lied about it to cover his tracks. Then after I gave him an opportunity to redeem himself after discovering his tracks, he lied again. After that I have had no choice but to let this person go because after that they couldn't be trusted.
- Trying to rebuild trust with individuals who betrayed me and realizing that doesn't work - I tried to do this with the exact same person listed above. They had evolved a bit or so I thought, so I trusted them again. Low and behold, the fucked me again. While to a lesser degree. Instead of feeling they had evolved, the tried to flex and make themselves appear as though they could now speak for themselves and that I was not to challenge them in any way. Wrong. Not only can I challenge you but I can crush you in any way I see fit and I should have done that the first time you betrayed me, a lesson I have sense learned. Ridicule and rejection is a powerful emotion and can destroy you if you don't develop a thick skin, but once you do
- Letting women go who were lied to protect their positions - I once slept with a girl that had an STD that failed to disclose that to me. I make it a point to ask women this or even make them get tested if I see fit, an action I will happily perform as well if we're fucking on the reg. This gal looked me in the eye and told me she was clean and she was not and I only discovered that because I discovered it. When I did I confronted her and the cat was out of the bag. No more dick in that pussy. Access denied. She had such a fear of losing me and us that she thought it would be a better idea to lie to me than to tell me the truth. Fortunately I learned my lesson with the above to lessons, so I cut her lose and that was the end of it. It hurt me because I really liked that girl and we had potential, but once that dog bites you have to put it down.
- Letting go of my past self to become my new self - It's human nature to be part of the tribe, but it's an incredibly risky, courageous and stupid to know when to break away from it in order to establish your own government. Once you figure it out you realize that the old order was complete bullshit. Some people call it taking the red pill or escaping the matrix. I call it being who you were meant to be. It's scary but you have to do it in order to move forward or there will always be a nagging itch in the back of your mind that will torture you for the rest of your life. You will know when it's time to stop, but that time is not now, so keep on moving and use your youth and stamina to lead the others through this snow filled pass.
- Opening up the hearts and souls of great women and then letting them go - This point will torture me for life but at the time I made these decisions I didn't realize the divine power of what I was getting myself into. When you deal with a lot of women like me who constantly put on these fake personas in an effort to fit in, it can be hard to determine which ones are being real. By the time you realize you have met one that is real, it's too late. They have already sucked you into their whirlwind which is nearly impossible to extract yourself from without massive collateral damage. This has happened to me with a handful of women and quite frankly it still tugs at me because they didn't deserve to get swept away by my shitstorm of ambition. Some of them I can't even talk to. I have to reprogram my mind as if we had never met because that's just how devastating it is. What is more important that letting a great woman love you and you doing the same for her? This is more important. Because if I had not done that you would not be reading my website and to me this mission is bigger than the both of us, either me or her.
- Going against my friends and families wishes in order to fulfill my mission - I'm not going to say that I lived way too long worrying about what other people thought or any shit like that, but I will say that I have always valued the opinions of my loved ones and took my actions into careful consideration to make sure they aligned with some of their wishes. Not anymore. I can't. No great person ever has. An extremely small fraction of the mother's who gave birth to a Rockstar wanted their child to become a Rockstar. But these guys and gals defied these wishes in order to do what they wanted to do. Look how it worked out for them. This is nothing new but I do think of the day when I am live on TV performing or speaking about a topic and being admired by thousands of people but still pissed off at me for saying the f word. But the bottom line is that when people love you, they will accept that. If they don't then it may be hard, but it is okay to walk away from friends and family.
- Challenging people, situations and solutions that were wrong - I have no problem challenging a fake motherfucker if they are wrong or if their method doesn't work, or if I have a better way to do things based on my own proven experience. Sometimes you have to challenge these people head on in an effort to improve your life and state your claim. I talk about whack advice given to clients by fake gurus who took their money only for me to employ a better solution that worked and made them money. I challenge these fags. Or if some goofball mouths off to the hired help at the burrito restaurant. I challenged that motherfucker. Seriously. These guys are a jokes and every time I challenge them it has empowered and improved my life and lives of others. So do what's right.
- Eating well, stopping smoking, drinking excessively - Well I haven't done all of these things yet, but hopefully I will soon or by the time I get really successful so I don't die before I get to see it. If I do then just remember this point and use it as a lesson or talking point for the next blog post about the things I regret that have fucked up my life.
- Saving money when I didn't want to and buckling down financially- I lived on a trundle mattress for a lot of years. Because of that I can sit here and write whatever the fuck I want without it ever hurting me. Everyone hates saving money or putting away for a rainy day, but you have to do it!! The bare minimum if you live in a 1st world country for a medium income single person should be $500 a month. Put it in a Roth IRA. Flip money in them market tax free and take it out if you have to make a major home repair or some shit.
- Staying put, committing to one direction and working hard at it - Becoming a master at a craft is nothing short of torture. That is why so few people do it. There are just way too many things in the way, like work. Nobody wants to work but if you do and you like your work, it can become flow and flow can become dough.
- Experiencing other shit to figure out if I was doing the right thing or in the right place - I have been involved in a lot of areas of business, not just the music business. Trying new things that were not my primary focus or passion gave me perspective and made me realize that I should be doing just what I am doing now, being an Artist. Sometimes we have to stray from the nest temporarily in order to get that knowledge or perspective we are looking for.
- Prolonging having a family and the American Dream - Everybody has their own idea of the American Dream. My idea is doing what I want, when I want and hopefully getting paid during the process. While I understand that having a family may add an additional element of purpose and value to one's life to me, at this present stage, it does not represent that. I understand that maintaining a healthy relationship and raising kids is a job in itself that puts a strong demand