I have to constantly remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing. I mean, I enjoy the process, but while caught in that process, time passes by quickly. Someone once commented to me that I will get everything that I want, but I will never really have anything for myself.
I get what she was saying. She is basically saying that I strive to achieve so much that I really miss out on living life. The beauty in life is sometimes what you can't or don't plan. Just random shit that happens that becomes enlightening and enriching to one's life.
I can't even say that her statement made me think because that is not the first time I've heard something along those lines, mostly told to me by females. Part of me believes this is their own little tactic to try to get me to settle down with them. Chics always do that shit to me. Some of them will also tell me bullshit that we both know is not true in an effort to stroke my ego or somehow magnatize me towards them.
For example, this one gal always said I had a massive dick. I don't. My dick is slightly above average when you measure it with a ruler, yet this gal would go on and on about how my dick was so good and so huge. I guess when you think about it, it's kind of cool because nobody has ever really told me that before the way she did, but this same gal also told me that her mother taught her if you want to keep a man realize he is always a boy and let him be. So I think this is may be a tactic she either consiously or unconsiously used to keep me engaged.
But, it doesn't keep me engaged, and at the moment, I really don't feel engaged or invested or overly inspired by any female in my life. I know what I want, but I can't get that because those girls don't like me back or make me work too hard for their love which creates a law of diminishing returns for me.
So what is it that I want out of life? Right now, I just want to finish what I started and get the ball rolling with that, that's what I want. I don't want to start any new projects or worry about the future because it stresses me out. It takes me away from my process and gets me focusing on shit that I cannot have right now.
So, what do I want out of life? I can't tell you. I have a general idea, but what I want out of life right now is to just create and be simple. That's what I want out of life. That makes me content. When I see progress on my existing front, then we can revisit this question. Until then, this is exactly what I want.